It's late again, it always is. I won't bore you with time specifics today, but I will let you in on one thing (Okay, who am I kidding? Maybe a few more). One of the key reasons I keep finding myself deleting my previous is mostly because I feel like it's not a piece I'd be somewhat proud of owning, that or, I don't think it'd be appropriate for parents/bosses/workmates/classmates/whoever I have a moderate amount of contact with. Not because what I post is explicit, but more so, that it sounds like a personal attack towards them. When, reality is, I'm just in a state of frustration and kind of don't know what else to do with myself; it's not really directed towards anyone, but just a general rant about anything and everything.
This was probably one of the main reasons I decided to give up blogging in high school. It started off as a harmless diary sorta thing: "I hate my advanced maths teachers blah blah, or why is life so unfair that my parents won't let me have a dog, and instead got me a human brother?" That kinda stupid thing. Then people found out, and it garnered much interest, as to who the subject was each time. I'd write quite ambiguously; not noting whether it was the rude red lipstick wearing, stiletto-clad, ugly designer dress wearing snob, sniggering at me from behind her equally disastrous sunglasses and cup of Starbucks, or the annoying girls who unconsciously felt the need to compete for everything at school.
By the time I was 15, and in eleventh grade, I decided to take a new direction with my blog. New domain, fresh start to the 14 year old bratty me. I travelled around quite a bit and my interest in fashion had fully taken off by then.. I think. So I decided to blog about something different after being inspired by the likes of Nicole Warne, Margaret Zhang, Rumi Neely, Amanda Shadforth, Sara Donaldson, Aimee Song and countless editorials. It should come to be no surprise that I wanted to blog my travels and growing style.
That path failed again, because being an asian full time high schooler in her senior years meant pressure to get into a good university. Which essentially equated to no time to edit and make quality posts. So yeah, little background story over. Where am I heading now? I don't know. Really, I don't. You might wanna watch this (something I made a little while back):
By the time I was 15, and in eleventh grade, I decided to take a new direction with my blog. New domain, fresh start to the 14 year old bratty me. I travelled around quite a bit and my interest in fashion had fully taken off by then.. I think. So I decided to blog about something different after being inspired by the likes of Nicole Warne, Margaret Zhang, Rumi Neely, Amanda Shadforth, Sara Donaldson, Aimee Song and countless editorials. It should come to be no surprise that I wanted to blog my travels and growing style.
That path failed again, because being an asian full time high schooler in her senior years meant pressure to get into a good university. Which essentially equated to no time to edit and make quality posts. So yeah, little background story over. Where am I heading now? I don't know. Really, I don't. You might wanna watch this (something I made a little while back):
It sums up the hardest year of my life pretty well, and for now, I'm just cruising along. Satisfied, but nothing makes my heart skips a beat. Architecture seems to be the best fit for me right now, but after a visit to the ER, my interest in medicine was sparked once again.
My somewhat newly diagnosed anxiety has found me unable to let go of anything, eating me up late at night and overanalysing everything. My memory is at it's peak 24/7, but these days I find myself being able to accept things as they are. I can let go of things within seconds some days, and others I will fight the urge to blow up in someone's face (premium retail *rolls eyes*). Which, in my personal opinion, is a huuuuggeee development from the person I was until a mere six months ago.
I'm still pissed the the freaking 40-something year old cashier at Aldi, thinking her rudeness is acceptable in customer service, especially because I happen to be younger. Luckily, I have more patience these days or else, who knew what could've happened to her poor excuse of existence. I really need to voice my opinion in people with personalities like hers more often (and maybe rid any possibility of a physical threat). Oops, this whole post was just contradicted wasn't it? Well, I'm a paradigm wrapped in an oxymoron, smothered in a paradox.
Y.
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